"memorize where the light switches are *before* you have to pee in the middle of the night."
"i'm always trying to lure unsuspecting victims onto the spinny thing after a few drinks. hilarity always ensues."
"katie makes me look and feel like a million bucks. best time i've ever had getting beautified."
"there's a reason i always get the same thing (falafel rollup with baba ghanouj and hot sauce): because it's *bleep*ing good."
"hard-core wall action! be among the first to christen the patio in spring—and the last to retreat to the mulled cider–scented bar in the fall."