"Quit leaving gay tips, Kevin. No one cares."
"We're drinking beer by the fire, come join for fun times"
"Being the mayor of this parking lot should warrant a free parking spot."
"I wish it was "cold as fack". It's actually kinda hot, and the water fountains suck."
"If it's dinner night, bring something extra because Kevin probly didn't bring anything."
"Don't forget to take a shit. It's got the best flusher! You've gotta try it."