"Don't park on the north side of Stewart before 6am if you plan on being in the gym after 6am. Your car will get "stolen" towed."
"Don't swim in the pool until 6/27. I had a leaky bladder problem, let the chlorine do its job folks."
"The sitting on the couch tends to leave wet spots on your pants. I'd suggest utilizing cup holders at this establishment."
"When ordering a salad you may want to ask for the dressing on the side they tend to over dress."