"Went off the menu for a margarita with reposado tequila and it was undrinkable. "Queso" was a hunk of fried/melted cheese...you could literally play frisbee with it. That's not queso!"
"Avoid the lasagna. It was poorly reheated in a microwave and came out with cold spots throughout."
"Try the....wait, what is this place?"
"Not in the mood for pizza? Grab a Parma sandwich #excellent"
"Say hello to Jimmy behind the bar. Great service"
"Drinking? Bonnie & Clyde Eating? Goulash"