"Are you an alcoholic? Your spouce passed away? Just can't break free from the 70's? Then come on down to gabes--where the beer is cheap and the the women are toothless!"
"If you expect engaging conversation...bail now. Drunk ladies everywhere. They just played sweet Caroline...peace out!"
"I believe that this is where fat white America comes to watch baseball."
"This place must be run by a real bro. 3 doors down playing and a lot of unsophisticated vocabulary going down right now"
"Trying out the free wi-fi, I'm getting a screaming .2 Mbps download speed -- I guess Ronald is running the network here"
"Don't forget to praise the Supreme Leader while you are there."