"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
"Excellent selection of huffables!"
"What the hell? They don't sell wine here anymore? Damn."
"They put cilantro in EVERYTHING! Blech. Go to Oso's instead. Seriously."
"There are so many better places in town to get coffee. No reason for this place."
"I have the police on speed dial. So don't try anything, etc."