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"Patio service sucks at lunchtime. If you feel like babysitting your waiter up until food hits the table, this place is definitely for you."

"Mind the palm trees at the front! They grow arms and slap you upside your face!"

"DO NOT USE THE ATM!! It doesn't give you money and steals from you like a poor man drunk on money."

"Don't get behind a Honda Pilot who doesn't know what to order!"

"Karaoke on Wednesday nights always draws popular, with the bar tab to sing a little ditty..."

"Try my sushi, and take a nap in my awesome bed!"