"Don't attempt a selfie near the outside rail, else choppy water or a disgruntled mermaid takes your phone into the murky depths. #ItHappenedToMyLandlord"
"Lots of great books, but don't ask the cashier where you can recharge your kindle; she may curse you out and summon Cthulu to harvest your soul and stuff."
"It's good luck to wink at the large rabbit, and say "What's up Doc?""
"If you just slammed a few beers, try not to sit on the inside of the booths, as your dinner companions will be tempted to poke you with the skewers for interrupting the cheese orgy."
"No more free drink tickets, so you will have to make Pruno in the bathtub if you want an affordable buzz after your daily conference workshops."
"Don't leave your plate alone, or a bird will swoop down, eat your munchies then piece out like a stoner friend who visits you after halloween."