"The Montreal Impact v. Columbus Crew SC open up their Eastern Conference Semifinal Series this evening at Stade Saputo."
"The Continental Breakie... Always."
"The 'Soccer' my Dear Man, The Soccer."
"Mostly Heartache & Heartbreak..."
"We staggered out of this fornicatorium, tired but well taken care of..."
"Best place in town to soak in the loitering elderly Chinese People..."