"To describe the wi-fi here as "shitty" would be disrespectful to shit. Shit, at least, can be used for something."
"Be sure the outlet you're using is actually charging your device. Half of them are broken."
"Is it less than an hour to close? Then don't bother. They won't have a damn thing."
"The vending machines are in the Canteen on the third floor."
"There are many good things here, but the "deconstructed" tiramisu was a disappointment. Unless you like soggy cookies suffused with coffee."