Fake Mongo

"Try the rat. It's the shaft specialty!"

"Best nitrous oxide this side of the crab nebulae. What? I use it for space dentistry!"

"Try the hot dogs (the red ones)!"

"Warning: This place is misleadingly named."

"Two words: Free hair. Just get there early (Maury throws out the week's clippings on Saturday), and bring your own shoeboxes because it's too much to carry in your pockets."

"Come for the delicious coffee and fresh pastries! Stay for the extra half-hour it takes your server to notice you!"