"Not all of the prostitutes at truck stops are biologically female. I just found out the hard way."
"Everyone here is either toothless or homeless. I think I'm in paradise."
"Just because they offer a "bottomless cup of coffee" doesn't mean you're allowed to stay here for 8 hours. Sigh."
""Would you like to put your eggs over my hammy?" I said to the waitress, before I was kicked out of Denny's."
"Don't forget to bring a large, empty duffel bag."