"I tried to play "don't mess with Cupid" to liven the mood in this douchefest, but some dadboner forced "sweet Caroline" in front of me. Lamest turd bar ever."
"Frank: you're a douchebag. Go back to John barleycorn. I'll just chill over here and listen to the live blues band with a washtub bass and drink PBR like a real man."