"Easy place to grab the mayorship. No one ever fucking checks in here..."
"This is the slowest Starbucks ever. If you're in a hurry (even mildly), you'd be better off driving elsewhere."
"These kids take better care of these animals than any adult I've ever seen!"
"This is the best place ever! Don't listen to any negative tips!"
"Try the baby heirloom tomato with red and yellow watermelon salad. Delicious!"