"Vegetarian pro-tip: the vegan chili."
"Eat healthy. Put money into your savings account every paycheck. Pick a weekend to stay in. Treat people with respect. No one cares about your drama. You're not in high school anymore."
"If you're wearing a Flames jersey when you order a Jager-bomb you are immediately entered into a draw for a complimentary shot from a lady's cleavage!"
"Act real snooty about wine, particularly at Liquor Depot. People will admire you for your exquisite tastes!"