"Don't dare inconvenience the desk staff by asking for anything. At all. Ever. Their obstanance and militancy sits somewhere between 80's miners, Bob Crowe and BA cabin crew."
"Fast Train Users - recommend eyes down with iphone and blackberry remaining firmly in pocket. Ideally go tooled up."
"Toilet Users / Amateur Flashers - toilet lock is button on the far wall as you go in, not the handle. Please use (or not) as appropriate."
"Middle aged men - arrive just as the train is pulling in. Then walk straight up to the doors elbowing your way through everyone already waiting - best deployed through women with buggies."
"Sausage, egg, bacon baguette + tea 3 quid. Bargain."