"Checking in here on a Saturday night will be the worst decision of your life. Ever. Ever worse than the time you though eating the sushi at a gas station would be ok."
"It's fun to stand at the door and pretend to be a bouncer here. 'Have a nice night ladies.' I say as I gracefully hold the door for them in all there drunken sloppiness. 'Enjoy your evening!'"
"I don't think I've ever seen a black person here. Ever."
"Sandwiches are 'meh' at best. (Sorry, you can't match Primanti's, But at least you tried.) It's almost next to impossible to get decent service. Takes FOREVER. That being said, the chili rocked.."
"If I had known that science was this delicious back when I was in high school, I'd have never skipped Ms. Heath's class. I'd probably be richer too. I dare you to eat here and not like it. I DARE YOU."
"I swear to god. You want some good shit? Try doing a line of coke before eating the Gargantua. Then follow it up with a pickle. OMG I WANT A SMOOTHIE."