"Pro tip: Chipotle doesn't sell spaghetti."
"Help! I can't get out of my seat!"
"Spent 5 hours here last Saturday. Still have no idea what the hell this business even is."
"Man, I was a badass back in high school. I still remember running for 500+ yards in the state ship with two torn ACLs."
"Went in and started smoking some plants. Come to find out the "pot" in Home Depot stands for something else."
"Took my dog in for emergency surgery. Apparently "happy endings" don't apply there."