"Here's a tip to all pet owners. PetSmart is not in fact a veterinarian. So stop bring your pets in going "I don't know what's wrong with him. Help me fix my pug" Don't ever help fix a pug."
"The greatest store known to mankind. Go in there for 10 minutes and try to leave without smiling. I dare you"
"How surprising that a place called Chili's has bad food"
"Great place to bowl. Because its a bowling alley. Where you can bowl"
"I find myself very suspicious of a place that never freezes their burgers. I assume there's a butcher shop in the back."