"The internet here sucks! The wifi doesn't make it to every room :-("
"This place had terrible food. Try not to eat here."
"The food here is really good, they give fat burritos!"
"Take the delicious free bread and add butter, garlic and parmesan to it to make your own garlic bread.... Delicious!"
"Try the spinach alfredo pizza, but add jalapenos! It's delicious!"